The #1 Thing Your Marriage Needs (it isn’t what you think)! [Discussion + Action Plan Included]

If you have ever felt like giving up in your marriage, or have already given up, it is not too late for things to be better.  Maybe you think you have done all you can.  I know what that feels like.  Trust me.  This single thing turned our entire marriage around when we thought the only option was divorce.

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A Need Delivered

My husband Ben recently had his birthday. I sneaked his gift out of my usual hiding place and brought it to him in the living room. His face lit up. I watched with anticipation for his reaction when he opened it. Once he knew what it was, he lept up off the couch in joy and excitement! I was so excited he to see he loved my gift. Through the biggest smile, he went on and on about how special my gift was and his glowing eyes continued to travel back and forth from the item in his hands to me and back again. His joy was contagious. He nearly did a dance, actually, I think he did do a dance. He lept over to me and gave me a big thank you kiss and stood back up again admiring his gift.

Then, he set his gift down gently. After sitting down next to me, he took a deep breath, and began to speak softly.

What happened next really surprised me!

He asked me, “What can I get you for breakfast, baby?”  I was stunned! Wait a minute! “I’m confused, it’s your birthday,” I stammered. “That was going to be my question for you.” Trying to recover, all I could think to ask was the same question in return, “Uh, hun, what would you like me to fix you for your birthday breakfast?”

I prepared exactly what he asked for. While we were finishing up and sipping our orange juice, I couldn’t help but inquire about earlier.

“I was hoping to understand your request to cook breakfast for me on your birthday.”

His reply was perfection, “I was so happy about the gift you got me, I wanted to do something for you to show you how much it meant to me.”

What is the #1 Thing Your Marriage Needs?

Hear me out:

At that time, I did not see the significance of what happened here:

Being served motivates us to serve and vice versa.

As I began to understand this, I saw that this very thing saved our marriage.

Have you served for your spouse lately?

‘So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. ‘ -Genesis 29:20

Jacob knew a little something about serving. He served 7 years to be with his Beloved, Rachel.

He saw Rachel and desired to have her as his wife. Jacob cared more about being with her than for being compensated for his service. The service he performed was like that of a slave. In addition, it was not easy work but hard labor. But to him the 7 years were worth it for his Beloved.

This is such a beautiful picture of love.

Jacob was still just a man. I can imagine that he may have wanted to give up a time or two. Perhaps he could have asked for fair wage and collected before the 7 years were up and bailed out when the work got hard. At times, perhaps he felt she was not worth the work.

But he did not give up.

Can you imagine how our marriages would be with this kind of service for each other?

If your marriage is in serious trouble download “4 Keys to Lock Out Divorce” Here. Details below.*


Reasons We Should Serve Our Spouse:

1. Our spouses are worth serving

They are valuable and precious. Even when they hurt us and make us feel unloved or disrespected.

2. Love makes the service not feel like work

When we give out of love, the time goes by quickly.

3. We Still Care Even Though We Are Hurting

We should serve with no expectation of service being returned. It is a gift.

4. Our Marriage is Important and Worth Every Effort

Serving like this will bring your spouse back to you. Do not give up on them while your service is softening their heart. It may take 7 years!

Let’s serve our spouse in the way they need it most.  In the way that is currently missing in their life.

When our service is aimed at the wrong thing or non-existent, there will be trouble in the marriage. Maybe our spouse is lacking the thing they need the most from us. In taking the first step to serve, you will see, it motivates serving on their part as well. It takes time, remember, so be patient and do not give up. Your reward is coming.

This week’s DISCUSSION GUIDE & ACTION PLAN are designed to ensure the service we do is that which our spouse needs to feel loved, valued, respected and honored.

Set some time aside this weekend to consider how to serve your spouse.

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