Change is difficult. I had 2 options now, change or don’t change, it’s up to me. Choosing to stay the same would cost me my marriage.
In 2013, everything changed. Not by my choice either. I had 2 options now, change or don’t change, it’s up to me. Choosing to stay the same would cost me my marriage. My husband of only 5 years at this point, was tired of coming in second place. And rightfully so, day after day and night after night I would eat until I couldn’t move and spend the rest of the evening zoned out. This cycle left very little room for him. Change or loose him, that easy. Those were the only options.
I could no longer deny the hold that food had on me. This behavior was making me sick. Sick with regret, remorse, guilt. I hated food, for making me feel like this and getting me to this point.
Why couldn’t I stop?
I decided I was not going to throw my marriage away. Little did I know that choosing to change would unravel me and test me beyond myself. After deciding to change, reality hit. I had some serious messes that needed cleaning up. Issues that needed addresses that I had previously tried to bury with food. Since, I have had my layers peeled back on what I originally believed to be food addiction. The problem, however is that food is not the problem. It never has been. Food is just food, it only has power because I decided it has power. The problem is what food was being used for or in place of.
We must stop for a moment and evaluate our lives.
Consider the following questions and write/ type your answers:
What in your life brings to surface these kinds of feeling?
What do you use to help you feel better in the times of struggle in life? This may reveal where change is needed and where something like food has a hold on you.
What have you missed out on in life because you have not made that change?
What will that change cost you?
What will not making that change cost you?
If the change was outside your choice, it may have been a devastating blow in your life. You may still be down because of it, caught in the despair of this new path.
The burden of change is not yours to carry. Death and sin died with Jesus when He breathed His last on the cross and was brought back to life three days later. Death, disease, pain and mourning will not prevail to those who believe in the begotten Son of God. That destruction prevails on this side of heaven, but not in heaven and thankfully our time here is “as a breath” compared to eternity.
Change may be the very thing God knew would bring us to Him so He could save us. This thing that is too big for us to carry is not too big for Him. Pause and ask, how can this change refine me? How long will I let it define me and keep me down? Am I willing to turn to Jesus for help? Why not?
“Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!”– Lamentations 4:30